Putting the Pieces Back Together and Moving on When Your Marriage Falls Apart

Divorcing couple on a fight

One day you wake up and your wife of 20 years tells you she doesn’t love you anymore and she wants a divorce. Dealing with the separation of assets and property is bad enough, but what’s harder is dealing with the custody of the kids and their respective parental rights.

If your married life starts to look like it’s going downhill, here’s what you can do.

Find a good lawyer

Step one in rebuilding your life after your marriage falls apart: Hire an attorney. Burnhamlaw.com noted that you should definitely get a good family lawyer if you want a fair shake in the divorce courts, not to mention whatever custody battle may follow.

Find a good counselor

Step two would be to find a good counselor. If one or more parties involved think that the marriage might be worth saving, a good marriage therapist could be the ticket. If it’s truly the end of the road, one or more of the parties might need some therapy. Again, entrust this to the professionals.

Post-divorce, you’ll first want to make sure you’re a fully functioning human being again.

Allow yourself time to grieve

As most crisis therapists would advise, it’s crucial to allow yourself to grieve over a demise — the demise of another sentient being or the demise of a relationship.

Move forward

After an appropriate period of mourning, you then take stock of what you have left (of yourself and your spirit, of your property, of your kids) before beginning to consider where you’d like your life to go from this moment onward.

Take comfort in numbers

At this point, many people find solace in the company of others. Some people move on with the help of a support system of friends, family members, and loved ones.

Shake it off, Shake it off

At this point, what works for some is a rigorous physical activity, such as enrolling in a Zumba or dance class, martial arts class, or taking up a new hobby. Some would prefer a long vacation somewhere peaceful. Whatever you do, your emotional health can be best served by the act of letting the past go and leaving yesterday behind. Most, if not all counselors and therapists would definitely agree.

Find solace in the spiritual

At this point, you might want to consider looking into some form of spiritual practice — revisiting a favorite rabbi or looking into that meditation class you’ve always wanted to try.

Point is, you want to be firm in your belief system even when all’s right with your life, from love-life onward. Post-divorce, when shards of your broken heart may still cause you hurt, you have that much more reason to find solace in the spiritual (for when all else fails).